Sitting here in my favorite chair taking a quick break from grading papers, recording grades, entering those grades into the computer, and creating a packet of worksheets to work on this coming week. We have our first round of reading formatives, which will take all week to complete, so I am about to get my first taste of the dreaded "testing" dun dun dunnnn...
I am so exhausted, frustrated with my lack of refined teaching skills and abilities (especially my classroom management), and I may have almost cried in front of my third hour last Wednesday (nooo!!). I am tired of asking them to stop talking, tired of repeating my instructions, and already unimpressed by making copies and grading papers.
Gosh but regardless of those not-so-glamorous aspects of this career and this semester thus far, I am still excited each day to go back (early morning and all), and ever more in love with the students I am so blessed to teach. I am broken hearted by so many of the stories I already know of home lives and mistreated 12-year-olds, and hate that there is so much already on the plates of these sweet kids. I continue to remind myself over and over and over that the reason they act out, disrespect me, talk back, complain, and get into trouble is not all their fault and most likely because they have not been shown the love and respect they deserve. I pray so desparately that during the small amount of time I have with them each day that they see how much they are worth and how much they are loved. I hate that so many don't have the childhood and family they each deserve, and hope the love of God is evident as they see that I am different than some of the other adults in their lives. I pray God protects them when they are not at school, and pray that God would create in them a desire to do and be more than what has been modeled to them. I pray my attitude, lifestyle, words, and choices be a direct reflection of the true, real, unconditional love we all so undeservingly are shown by our heavenly father.
God is so good, and I am so blessed. So thankful for friends, family, and an amazing husband to continually encourage and challenge me to be more than I think I am capable. Excited to have another week to learn and grow.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Rom 8:28
"...let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." -1 John 3:18
- from behing the pile of papers to grade... Mrs. Brown :)
8.28.2011
8.20.2011
Reflection on my first week as a real live teacher!
Well well well, I am an official, week-old, real live seventh grade teacher. Holy cow!
First of all, I am seriously blown away by the support, encouragement, and help from all the other teachers, administrators, and staff at our school. I have been checked on so many times and given so much non-patronizing help in the last few weeks, and was encouraged so much this week that it will get better! So blessed.
Second of all, holy chattyness. I am sure I was just as talkative at that age (oh wait, still am at this age, oops!), and am trying to stay positive and appreciate that they enjoy being with each other and feel at home enough in my room to act like friends. (The bigger part of me wishes they would sit quietly and listen like little angels, but hopefully with time that will come as well)... =)
Right now my biggest goals are not to help them improve their spelling, become more critical readers, or published authors; my goals are simple: get them to have a more optimistic outlook and positive attitude about being in language arts class, help change their perspective on reading and writing (currently many of them "hate reading and writing" ...so sad!!), and show them that I really care about them!! If they happen to improve their spelling while we're at it...ptL because yiiiikes! ;)
I am exhausted, a tad overwhelmed, but seriously loving it and excited to go back next week!!
Oh and so seriously God has blessed me already so much with a funny, kind, encouraging woman of God to drive with every single day! Yay yay yay, Holly! =)
Happy Saturday, hopefully more to come on seventh grade soon!
- Mrs. Brown =)
First of all, I am seriously blown away by the support, encouragement, and help from all the other teachers, administrators, and staff at our school. I have been checked on so many times and given so much non-patronizing help in the last few weeks, and was encouraged so much this week that it will get better! So blessed.
Second of all, holy chattyness. I am sure I was just as talkative at that age (oh wait, still am at this age, oops!), and am trying to stay positive and appreciate that they enjoy being with each other and feel at home enough in my room to act like friends. (The bigger part of me wishes they would sit quietly and listen like little angels, but hopefully with time that will come as well)... =)
Right now my biggest goals are not to help them improve their spelling, become more critical readers, or published authors; my goals are simple: get them to have a more optimistic outlook and positive attitude about being in language arts class, help change their perspective on reading and writing (currently many of them "hate reading and writing" ...so sad!!), and show them that I really care about them!! If they happen to improve their spelling while we're at it...ptL because yiiiikes! ;)
I am exhausted, a tad overwhelmed, but seriously loving it and excited to go back next week!!
Oh and so seriously God has blessed me already so much with a funny, kind, encouraging woman of God to drive with every single day! Yay yay yay, Holly! =)
Happy Saturday, hopefully more to come on seventh grade soon!
- Mrs. Brown =)
8.13.2011
7.29.2011
Summer of Learning
I feel as though my summer has been jam-packed with challenges and learning. My eyes have been opened to the realness of the Holy Spirit and the overwhelming power of an awesome God. Our first year of marriage has been such a beautiful mess of love and I am just beginning to see how God's unconditional love is so amazingly displayed through Nick.
I have been so blessed this summer to have gone and done so many things and am about to end a chapter of my life take the next step into adulthood on Monday. I am sad to be closing doors on college and childhood, as I have to say goodbye to many of my best friends. I am excited though to see where God takes us and how He uses us in all our ministries. I never imagined how God would use MCC and Manhattan to change and bless my life in so many ways. I am so grateful.
I am scared out of my mind but I very much believe I am being called to the public school and would be settling if I were not doing just this. I pray I can be a vessel filled so much with the light and love of God that it overflows and students, parents, other teachers, see not me but Christ.
So much on my heart and on my mind... God is truly overwhelming me with how awesome He is and I am so thankful.
"He must become greater, I must become less."
I have been so blessed this summer to have gone and done so many things and am about to end a chapter of my life take the next step into adulthood on Monday. I am sad to be closing doors on college and childhood, as I have to say goodbye to many of my best friends. I am excited though to see where God takes us and how He uses us in all our ministries. I never imagined how God would use MCC and Manhattan to change and bless my life in so many ways. I am so grateful.
I am scared out of my mind but I very much believe I am being called to the public school and would be settling if I were not doing just this. I pray I can be a vessel filled so much with the light and love of God that it overflows and students, parents, other teachers, see not me but Christ.
So much on my heart and on my mind... God is truly overwhelming me with how awesome He is and I am so thankful.
"He must become greater, I must become less."
6.22.2011
happy.things
I saw a post with a list of happy things, aka things that bring happiness and joy to the writer's life. For the past few days I have been a little down and, as you all know I like to write in list form and about the things I love, so here goes! Hopefully a little sunshine and joy will come from this list for me and for you as well!
HappyThings:
1. getting a new black dress. [a new any-color-dress, really].
2. baking cookies with a friend and shamelessly eating a whole spoonful [or two] of the dough.
3. coming home after being away for a bit.
4. puppies.kitties.babies of all sorts.
5. roller coasters with no lines so you can ride the same one over and over and over.
6. being outside in a cool rainfall without an umbrella. the feel of the rain streaming down my face like it could wash away all my troubles.
7. watching a baptism. seriously brings me to tears of joy every time i witness a person wholly giving themselves over to Christ and becoming a new creation in Him.
8. high school youth group stuff...events, trips, d.group, just hanging out with youth group people. i love being around students with a passion for Christ and people.
9. on that note, any setting in which I am praising God with a group of people [camp, YQ, CIY, etc.]. there is almost nothing like a multitude of voices joined together as one singing praise to our Awesome God.
10. my sperry's. i seriously love to wear those silly boat shoes at every chance i get. with a cute outfit, with a dress, with gym shorts, with dress pants...with things they do and definitely do not match, i love to wear them!
11. karen.kingsbury.books. serioulsy, the woman can write and challenge a Christian woman better than most. [for that matter, Christian fiction literature in general brings joy to my heart.]
12. my hottie mcHot husband's love letters. he knows how to speak to my soul.
13. friendships that go way back and never change.
14. Jesus.
HappyThings:
1. getting a new black dress. [a new any-color-dress, really].
2. baking cookies with a friend and shamelessly eating a whole spoonful [or two] of the dough.
3. coming home after being away for a bit.
4. puppies.kitties.babies of all sorts.
5. roller coasters with no lines so you can ride the same one over and over and over.
6. being outside in a cool rainfall without an umbrella. the feel of the rain streaming down my face like it could wash away all my troubles.
7. watching a baptism. seriously brings me to tears of joy every time i witness a person wholly giving themselves over to Christ and becoming a new creation in Him.
8. high school youth group stuff...events, trips, d.group, just hanging out with youth group people. i love being around students with a passion for Christ and people.
9. on that note, any setting in which I am praising God with a group of people [camp, YQ, CIY, etc.]. there is almost nothing like a multitude of voices joined together as one singing praise to our Awesome God.
10. my sperry's. i seriously love to wear those silly boat shoes at every chance i get. with a cute outfit, with a dress, with gym shorts, with dress pants...with things they do and definitely do not match, i love to wear them!
11. karen.kingsbury.books. serioulsy, the woman can write and challenge a Christian woman better than most. [for that matter, Christian fiction literature in general brings joy to my heart.]
12. my hottie mcHot husband's love letters. he knows how to speak to my soul.
13. friendships that go way back and never change.
14. Jesus.
6.16.2011
Jumbled Mess of Thoughts
1. I really want to see that penguin movie, "Mr. Popper's Penguins" asap. I've seen the same commericial at least 79 times today [which may or may not mean I have been watching television the entire day...I will never reveal the truth about that]. But seriously the movie looks a-dor-a-ble.
2. It is too bad Nick and I already have State Farm insurance, because apparently switching to that can save you enough money to buy a pet falcon. Not that I really want a pet giant bird [or bird of any size for that matter], but I do have 37,000 things I would like to purchase. [Dresses, specifically, annnd pieces to add to my Mixer...like the ice cream maker attachment...so I can make ice cream, duh.]
3. I have checked my Facebook literally a gagillion times today. It rained a good chunk of the day and I had no motivation to do anything but sit on my couch with my little dog and attempt to figure out what the heck I am going to teach this fall. I also did a couple loads of laundry [which, while I am on the subject, WHY in the world can the darn clothes not fold and put themselves away?! SHEESH. I can wash and dry, even hang up some of them, but the folding and the putting away, UGH! haha.]
4. Father's Day. I have the best dad on the whole planet. PtL for a dad who loves me and my sister and my momma and Jesus. He's not the biggest fan of my dog though, which is a large problem. ;)
5. I just watched three consecutive hours of Gilmore Girls...hours which I had DVR'ed...because I still love Gilmore Girls and watching it makes me miss my sister who moved so far away a little bit less.
6. Iwant need to bake cookies right this second. If I don't, I will probably eat a whole bag of leftover Easter jelly beans...which I don't even like that much. #sweettooth #bored
7. I need someone to Petee-sit the last week of June. Either come to my home and stay the week or bring the Pete-ster home with you. Either way you will be compensated. And I will bake you a loaf of bread.
8. PS. UPDATE on my simplification process: I have bagged up almost all of my t-shirts and clothes I don't want/need/wear anymore. I have been working out a little. That's basically it.
Peace.
2. It is too bad Nick and I already have State Farm insurance, because apparently switching to that can save you enough money to buy a pet falcon. Not that I really want a pet giant bird [or bird of any size for that matter], but I do have 37,000 things I would like to purchase. [Dresses, specifically, annnd pieces to add to my Mixer...like the ice cream maker attachment...so I can make ice cream, duh.]
3. I have checked my Facebook literally a gagillion times today. It rained a good chunk of the day and I had no motivation to do anything but sit on my couch with my little dog and attempt to figure out what the heck I am going to teach this fall. I also did a couple loads of laundry [which, while I am on the subject, WHY in the world can the darn clothes not fold and put themselves away?! SHEESH. I can wash and dry, even hang up some of them, but the folding and the putting away, UGH! haha.]
4. Father's Day. I have the best dad on the whole planet. PtL for a dad who loves me and my sister and my momma and Jesus. He's not the biggest fan of my dog though, which is a large problem. ;)
5. I just watched three consecutive hours of Gilmore Girls...hours which I had DVR'ed...because I still love Gilmore Girls and watching it makes me miss my sister who moved so far away a little bit less.
6. I
7. I need someone to Petee-sit the last week of June. Either come to my home and stay the week or bring the Pete-ster home with you. Either way you will be compensated. And I will bake you a loaf of bread.
8. PS. UPDATE on my simplification process: I have bagged up almost all of my t-shirts and clothes I don't want/need/wear anymore. I have been working out a little. That's basically it.
Peace.
5.05.2011
desparate need to simplify
I promised myself when I got a big-girl job I would do many many things to avoid major meltdown due to the craziness and busy busy busyness that come with being away from the house all day. This summer I will be doing many many things in preparation for the fall, all in the name of decluttering, healthifying downsizing, and simplifying so that we (I) can have more time to spend doing things we want to do, and less time doing things we don't.
I. Getting rid of clothes we never wear, don't fit into, and don't want/need anymore. If you know either Nick or I at all, you know we love to be involved in our community (school, church, etc.) which has landed us with more t-shirts than probably most families have total. It is ridiculous! The worst part is, we keep trying to downsize, but the t-shirts just keep coming! I am thinking about keeping approximately 10 t-shirts (which is a serious cut, trust me) per person, and getting rid of or donating the others. No more "this t-shirt means so much to me and I have had it since my junior year of high school and it is really soft and and and!" Nope. We can take a picture in the shirt and that can serve to hold its memory in our hearts forever. We just don't need so many! Not only will we actually be able to fit all of our clothes in the drawers we have for them, but I won't be doing 47,083 loads of laundry all the time! Because we will only have a few t-shirts to wear, we will have to wash them more often. Thus the clothes will be washed and we will not end up with a giant mountain of laundry sitting in the hallway because we have 14,000 other shirts we might as well just wear instead of washing the one we actually want to wear! And, should our t-shirts start to fade, stink, or wear out? With just 10, we can retire that one, and get a new one! (Or wait three weeks and there will be another event and we'll get a free one from something!)
We also have wayyyy too many other clothes we never wear and will never wear again! When we seriously evaluate our stuff this summer, we can get rid of the clothes we don't like or even really want, and, yet again, actually have space for the ones we do! This will allow both Nick and i to know if we really do "need" something new or different. As well as with fewer clothes to choose from, just like with the t-shirts, I will be forced to keep up with the laundry because, duh, we have to wear clothes everyday and cannot leave naked!
I think this is a HUGE way I can stay sane and happy next fall, knowing that I am not coming home to mountainous piles of dirty clothes, having to search through the other mountain of clean clothes to find something to wear each morning, and actually having a spot to put the clothes after they are clean! I am seriously so excited.
2. MENU-PLANNING. Dun dun dunnnnnn... I know I have made weary attempts at this before, but I know that in order to avoid coming home tired and without any ideas of what to make for supper and turning to expensive, super delicious but ohsobadforme restaurant food every other night, I have to do this. I need to do this. In the process, I know we will consistently eat way healthier and save some money in the process. I love having a plan and knowing what we will eat that night, as well as having the supplies at the beginning of the week so I am not running to the store every single stinking day to pick up a couple things for the last-minute meal I decided I could throw together for supper. This will also please Nick a hundred times over because we wont be eating the same (ish) chicken meal every other night! [Forgive me, but I seriously L O V E chicken! Thank you, MCC Campus Center!]
With the stress and fast-pace I will more than likely be running at most of the time, as well as with being gone most of the day, I want to be able to really enjoy the time I have in the evening to be with the ones I care about and taking advantage of the rest and peace that come with having a plan. This summer we will start practicing eating off a plan and shopping with a week's meals in mind. I also want to try some freezer-cooking and start using my crock-pot a little more often. [I know with summer comes spontaneous BBQs and lots of nights out of town, but that is why this is practice time, we will do the best we can and be flexible when it doesn't work out just as planned!]
3. A place for everything and everything in its place. Now, most of you know me in real life and probably have even been over to my lovely apartment...which is typically cluttered and semi-messy, and I spend the first three minutes of our time together frantically apologizing as I rush around trying to pick up and hide all my mess. I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! I go to friends' homes and it seems as if everything truly does have a place and it is clean and decorated and I need (want) that in my home. So this summer we will not only get rid of (does anyone see a pattern here? We have too much stuff!) the stuff we have laying around, the stuff we are not using, the stuff we do not really need, etc. but we will also find a place for everything. I am the Q U E E N of piles. I love to pile! Making a pile is simply a way to make the clutter look less like clutter (and it is an even better way to lose the cable bill...and your Christmas money from Grandpa...and the list you made...and so on and so on...) catchin my drift yet? I simply must do these things in order to remain even halfway sane next year! I need my home to be my solace, my place of peace, and I cannot find peace in all the clutter! [In case anyone is wondering, I am most definitely the one who is more messy and cluttered, not Nick. Ok just had to say that in case he reads it.]
4. In order to maintain the amount of energy I will need, as well keep my positive attitude and happiness at the optimum level, I WILL workout either before or after school in the fall. The habit begins this summer, though. I recognize the importance of working out not only for my physical appearance's sake, but even more so for my emotional health. I will need a place to blow off steam, and I will need a place to find the extra energy (because realistically, working out and being active actually gives me more energy), and I will need a place to maintain my rockin' bod! ;) Meh meh mehhhh... But seriously, I struggle so much with my body image (duh, what girl doesn't), and do not want that to be something I let take hold of me! I feel so much better about myself and simply better in general when I am living healthy, and in order to stay afloat despite busyness at school and life, I will be active. [I mean, we do have that gym membership...and the gym is literally on my way to and from work...so it will be mainly a mental battle for me. Prayers appreciated!]
5. And very most importantly, I am seriously committed to remaining in the Word and in prayer with our Father. I will have more time this summer, and sometimes that is good for me, but often it makes it even harder to be intentional with my time with the Lord. I know, as I am sure most of you do, that every single thing in my life is better when I am seeking His purpose with all of myself. That will be the number one most important thing to help me healthify and maintain balance and sanity in the fall.
In conclusion, much prayer, encouragement, and accountability is appreciated! I will try to stay consistent with my blog, which we all know may or may not actually happen... oops... but most of you I see or communicate with on at least a semi-regular basis (and if not already, shoot, let's start communicatin!), so if you would be willing, help me! :)
For the sake of my marriage, my emotional and physical health, my students and colleagues, and my family and friends, I commit to doing these things to the best of my ability.
I. Getting rid of clothes we never wear, don't fit into, and don't want/need anymore. If you know either Nick or I at all, you know we love to be involved in our community (school, church, etc.) which has landed us with more t-shirts than probably most families have total. It is ridiculous! The worst part is, we keep trying to downsize, but the t-shirts just keep coming! I am thinking about keeping approximately 10 t-shirts (which is a serious cut, trust me) per person, and getting rid of or donating the others. No more "this t-shirt means so much to me and I have had it since my junior year of high school and it is really soft and and and!" Nope. We can take a picture in the shirt and that can serve to hold its memory in our hearts forever. We just don't need so many! Not only will we actually be able to fit all of our clothes in the drawers we have for them, but I won't be doing 47,083 loads of laundry all the time! Because we will only have a few t-shirts to wear, we will have to wash them more often. Thus the clothes will be washed and we will not end up with a giant mountain of laundry sitting in the hallway because we have 14,000 other shirts we might as well just wear instead of washing the one we actually want to wear! And, should our t-shirts start to fade, stink, or wear out? With just 10, we can retire that one, and get a new one! (Or wait three weeks and there will be another event and we'll get a free one from something!)
We also have wayyyy too many other clothes we never wear and will never wear again! When we seriously evaluate our stuff this summer, we can get rid of the clothes we don't like or even really want, and, yet again, actually have space for the ones we do! This will allow both Nick and i to know if we really do "need" something new or different. As well as with fewer clothes to choose from, just like with the t-shirts, I will be forced to keep up with the laundry because, duh, we have to wear clothes everyday and cannot leave naked!
I think this is a HUGE way I can stay sane and happy next fall, knowing that I am not coming home to mountainous piles of dirty clothes, having to search through the other mountain of clean clothes to find something to wear each morning, and actually having a spot to put the clothes after they are clean! I am seriously so excited.
2. MENU-PLANNING. Dun dun dunnnnnn... I know I have made weary attempts at this before, but I know that in order to avoid coming home tired and without any ideas of what to make for supper and turning to expensive, super delicious but ohsobadforme restaurant food every other night, I have to do this. I need to do this. In the process, I know we will consistently eat way healthier and save some money in the process. I love having a plan and knowing what we will eat that night, as well as having the supplies at the beginning of the week so I am not running to the store every single stinking day to pick up a couple things for the last-minute meal I decided I could throw together for supper. This will also please Nick a hundred times over because we wont be eating the same (ish) chicken meal every other night! [Forgive me, but I seriously L O V E chicken! Thank you, MCC Campus Center!]
With the stress and fast-pace I will more than likely be running at most of the time, as well as with being gone most of the day, I want to be able to really enjoy the time I have in the evening to be with the ones I care about and taking advantage of the rest and peace that come with having a plan. This summer we will start practicing eating off a plan and shopping with a week's meals in mind. I also want to try some freezer-cooking and start using my crock-pot a little more often. [I know with summer comes spontaneous BBQs and lots of nights out of town, but that is why this is practice time, we will do the best we can and be flexible when it doesn't work out just as planned!]
3. A place for everything and everything in its place. Now, most of you know me in real life and probably have even been over to my lovely apartment...which is typically cluttered and semi-messy, and I spend the first three minutes of our time together frantically apologizing as I rush around trying to pick up and hide all my mess. I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! I go to friends' homes and it seems as if everything truly does have a place and it is clean and decorated and I need (want) that in my home. So this summer we will not only get rid of (does anyone see a pattern here? We have too much stuff!) the stuff we have laying around, the stuff we are not using, the stuff we do not really need, etc. but we will also find a place for everything. I am the Q U E E N of piles. I love to pile! Making a pile is simply a way to make the clutter look less like clutter (and it is an even better way to lose the cable bill...and your Christmas money from Grandpa...and the list you made...and so on and so on...) catchin my drift yet? I simply must do these things in order to remain even halfway sane next year! I need my home to be my solace, my place of peace, and I cannot find peace in all the clutter! [In case anyone is wondering, I am most definitely the one who is more messy and cluttered, not Nick. Ok just had to say that in case he reads it.]
4. In order to maintain the amount of energy I will need, as well keep my positive attitude and happiness at the optimum level, I WILL workout either before or after school in the fall. The habit begins this summer, though. I recognize the importance of working out not only for my physical appearance's sake, but even more so for my emotional health. I will need a place to blow off steam, and I will need a place to find the extra energy (because realistically, working out and being active actually gives me more energy), and I will need a place to maintain my rockin' bod! ;) Meh meh mehhhh... But seriously, I struggle so much with my body image (duh, what girl doesn't), and do not want that to be something I let take hold of me! I feel so much better about myself and simply better in general when I am living healthy, and in order to stay afloat despite busyness at school and life, I will be active. [I mean, we do have that gym membership...and the gym is literally on my way to and from work...so it will be mainly a mental battle for me. Prayers appreciated!]
5. And very most importantly, I am seriously committed to remaining in the Word and in prayer with our Father. I will have more time this summer, and sometimes that is good for me, but often it makes it even harder to be intentional with my time with the Lord. I know, as I am sure most of you do, that every single thing in my life is better when I am seeking His purpose with all of myself. That will be the number one most important thing to help me healthify and maintain balance and sanity in the fall.
In conclusion, much prayer, encouragement, and accountability is appreciated! I will try to stay consistent with my blog, which we all know may or may not actually happen... oops... but most of you I see or communicate with on at least a semi-regular basis (and if not already, shoot, let's start communicatin!), so if you would be willing, help me! :)
For the sake of my marriage, my emotional and physical health, my students and colleagues, and my family and friends, I commit to doing these things to the best of my ability.
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