Sitting here in my favorite chair taking a quick break from grading papers, recording grades, entering those grades into the computer, and creating a packet of worksheets to work on this coming week. We have our first round of reading formatives, which will take all week to complete, so I am about to get my first taste of the dreaded "testing" dun dun dunnnn...
I am so exhausted, frustrated with my lack of refined teaching skills and abilities (especially my classroom management), and I may have almost cried in front of my third hour last Wednesday (nooo!!). I am tired of asking them to stop talking, tired of repeating my instructions, and already unimpressed by making copies and grading papers.
Gosh but regardless of those not-so-glamorous aspects of this career and this semester thus far, I am still excited each day to go back (early morning and all), and ever more in love with the students I am so blessed to teach. I am broken hearted by so many of the stories I already know of home lives and mistreated 12-year-olds, and hate that there is so much already on the plates of these sweet kids. I continue to remind myself over and over and over that the reason they act out, disrespect me, talk back, complain, and get into trouble is not all their fault and most likely because they have not been shown the love and respect they deserve. I pray so desparately that during the small amount of time I have with them each day that they see how much they are worth and how much they are loved. I hate that so many don't have the childhood and family they each deserve, and hope the love of God is evident as they see that I am different than some of the other adults in their lives. I pray God protects them when they are not at school, and pray that God would create in them a desire to do and be more than what has been modeled to them. I pray my attitude, lifestyle, words, and choices be a direct reflection of the true, real, unconditional love we all so undeservingly are shown by our heavenly father.
God is so good, and I am so blessed. So thankful for friends, family, and an amazing husband to continually encourage and challenge me to be more than I think I am capable. Excited to have another week to learn and grow.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Rom 8:28
"...let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." -1 John 3:18
- from behing the pile of papers to grade... Mrs. Brown :)
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There's no doubt in my mind that you're where you're supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteEven if they struggle to listen when you're instructing them about an assignment, I know that they're (at the very least) "hearing" that you care when you listen to their stories and genuinely show interest in them like you are.
Keep up the hard work!
Hang in there friend! Know that God has placed you with the exact students that need you the most. I know you're working super hard, but don't forget to take a breather (and maybe even a night off from grading) every now and then. Love you.
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