Today I am an emotional wreck. 

Nick told me about some mutual funds and I started tearing in his office...

I heard that Canon in D with the little kids singing in the Target parking lot and cried...

I just watched an episode of Grey's and a little girl died at the end and had the tears a'streamin...

I have zero motivation to pick up and clean and put together the disaster that is my entire house.  Instead I washed a load of towels and have been sitting on the couch staring at the tv for the last hour.  Shoot. 

I graduate tomorrow.  I should feel thrilled, but am just sad for some reason. 


Sheesh. 

I got a new dress, though, and my house is beginning to smell like Christmas :)

Merry Black Friday

I have to apologize.  I know you all went out shopping today on Black Friday and I just plum forgot to post my Christmas gift Wish List!  Whoopsies.. Never fear though, I have been assured the hot deals will only get hotter this month!  Speaking of being in the Christmas spirit like never before, I am feelin the Christmas spirit like never before!  Nick and I have our Christmas tree out and ready to decorate, Petee is wearing a little jingle bell on his neck and just jingle jangles everywhere he goes, and I have been drinking peppermint mochas like there is no tomorrow!  (Actually just three peppermint mochas this week, but with the addition of a coffee pot and the Coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer waiting for me at the grocery store, that number can only promise to go up!) 

Some of you little readers may have known me for awhile, and may remember my love of hosting Christmas (and other) parties, as well as that my dear, dear Maryland-dwelling bestest friend and I used to throw one heck of a sweet party every year!  We would make a cute little Christmassy craft, eat some delicious chili, and of course bake yummy treats!  I am thinking about reinstating the annual party.  I make a pretty good chili (combo Brown-Troutt chili, better every time Mr. B. and I make it) and well, I wonder if any friends would want to make a little craft?  Cutesie ornament or maybe the cookie/cake mix in a jar type of thing? 

Also.  I am for reals going to get in shape over the next four weeks.  I forgot I have to go to a wedding at the end of December and am going to want to look super foxy so my man can be proud of the hottie he married and is bringin home to meet old friends.  Maybe that is silly, but it is what it is!  And honestly, all I have got to fo to get the two of us back in shape is go back to the grocery store and cooking, and start working out a teensy bit more!  (Compared to the complete junk we have been eating and the negative amounts of activity, we should both be skinny little minnies in no time!)  :)

The important part of this blog post:

Mrs. Brown's Christmassy Wish List:

1. Pioneer Woman Cookbook (or just a day to hang out with the PW and cook and laugh)
2. Ugg Boots.  Pleeeeeease someone just get me Ugg boots this year!  Or new fake ones.  Either is fine.  Really both would be best. 
3. A million bucks to spend on clothes and college loans and stuff.
4. A new scarf.
5. One of those funny warm hats with the ear flaps.
6. All my friends in one place.
7. A sparkly dress for New Years Eve (preferably gold.  I'm really into gold right now.  And its apparently really in this season). 
8. A new purse/bag (mine is just fallin apart).
9. A gym membership for next semester and some new socks to wear to work out in (I just love new socks). 
10. Petee wanted me to say he would really like a little Burberry scarf to wear outside this winter. 

Merry 29 days until Christmas! 

Wait, Thanksgiving hasn't already come and gone?

I bought our first little Christmas tree and a few ornaments yesterday.   We are going to do a little cleaning and decorating today so when we come back from Nick's grandma and grandpa's it will be all ready for the best first Christmas season ever!  I don't usually get this excited about the pre-Christmas and decorating and all the hype, but for some reason this year I am just so excited!  Maybe because with December comes finally finishing and a real break and I am so pumped for that!  I am also pumped to be getting paid for working all day again... Ohhh student teaching...

Anyway, I hope to post some pictures of our little Christmas-y apartment at some point, mostly for my own memory's sake.  It is just so fun to look back through the blogs and pictures and see what has happened and changed over time!  I love to journal.

PS.  My three-month hiatus from healthy living is about to come to a close.  My body is just ready to get back to being active and healthy after so much laziness, stress, and bad food choices.  Meal planning and the rec, here I come! 

I am just ready for what is next.  The light at the end of the tunnel is almost here!  :)

Alive.

This weekend I remembered where it is that I truly feel alive.  It is hard for me to comprehend a life without Christ in it, and because of a multitude of factors, including my upbringing and surmounting blessings, I count myself very lucky for the faith that tends to come as a natural reaction, one that makes sense (as much sense as faith can make).  I realized this summer that the only time and place I feel alive and free is when I am praising God or sharing with others in the discovery of Him.  I have had a hard semester, but the one thing that remains is God and the fact that I trust HIS plan is supreme, and mine are just... well, mine.  It is a lesson I continue to learn, that my plans and expectations are not typically the same as His, and that lesson is so hard to keep learning.  I don't know how many mornings this semester I have cried out to Him asking what my purpose is, for Him to use me even though I don't feel like I am touching any lives for His glory at all.  My only hope is that, as is typically the case, God is trying to teach me, remind me, to remain in Him, fully, completely, entirely, and that He has got the rest under contol.  I can't, but God CAN.

Also.  I have the number one best husband (and friends and family) on the whole stinking planet.  Let me just list some of the reasons why:

1. PETEE.  In early October Nick surprised me with the best [and most challenging] gift ever.  A puppy!!!!!  He (Petee) has proven to be the msot obnoxious and wonderful present in the world!  We are just enthralled by and in love with that little furball and I am so so so thankful to Nick for getting him for me (us).  It is probably good that people don't actually live with us and see us interacting with Petee on a regular basis, because it is pretty hilarious.  [Embarassing example:  I tend to sing that song from (insert bad movie about Las Vegas HERE) about the "three best friends that anyone could have..." about us.  A lot.  Like most days.  Ba ha ha ha]. 

2.  He has not complained one single time about how disgustingly messy our little home has been for the past few weeks.  I have not had a lick of energy when I get home and have been just struggling to get my stuff for school done each night, and have literally not made dinner or done laundry for... I won't even admit how long.  Let's just say it has been over three weeks since I have been to the grocery store.  Note: that means no fresh produce.  Or milk.  Or bread.  Or turkey for sandwiches.  The list could go on for days.  Needless to say we have eaten a large amount of total junk food and take-out, which is a giant plus in his book, and a huge-mongus negative in mine.  I just took the trash out for this first time in two + weeks.  I am embarassed now for admitting that.  Gross.

3.  He got a bunch of my friends to write me encouraging notes/letters because I have been so down.  If anyone knows anything about me, they should know that encourage-o-grams are like, one of the top ways to warm my heart.  So, Nick being the number one best husband ever that he is, he made that happen.  Heart warmed, spirit lifted, ready to finish strong this semester these next couple weeks (OMG I am finally graduating!!!!!)

4. Even though I am a million percent sure I have gained like 74 pounds this semester and lost all tone I worked so hard for last year pre-wed dress time, he still finds me stunning and sexy and pretty and has no qualms with telling me so on a very regular basis.  (If he could only see me this very second, still in the clothes I slept in, middle of the afternoon, bangs pinned back, smelly... woo-wee, would he be delighted!  ba ha ha, not).

5. All these nights and mornings full of tearful plea's he has continued to encourage me and pray with and for me and remind me of how great that I am and that I am capable and worthy and so many other things.  He is seriously just the best person ever and I am immeasurably lucky to have spent the last six months (today) being married to him, and the last five and a half years of life knowing him.  Praise Jesus for MCC and all the little ways HE brought us together in His time. 

i can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on...

The end is in sight.  I will finally have something to show for the past five and a half years of college. 

9 days until my English Content Exam.
11 schooldays left to teach my unit(s).
11 actual days until our 6 monthiversary!!! <3 
19 days until Thanksgiving break. 
22 more classroom days to teach/observe.
29 days until Dallas and Huskermania!  :)
37 days including weekends until Graduation. 
198 days until Mark and Sarah get married!!!

I have been feeling so bogged down and overwhelmed and I am just so ready for a break.  I am so discouraged and stressed and unfortunately am having a hard time not taking it out on the ones I love most.  Trying so hard to be optimistic and let my joy reign in my life but the negatives are so overwhelming right now... Sometimes I think this is how life can get as a Christian.  We are called to live each day as if it could be our last, renewing that devotion of our whole selves to Christ each and every day, and living so that our joy and servanthood reign supreme in our hearts and being.  Sometimes Satan just gets a little hold of our hearts and sucks some of that joy and causes us to just long for the day when Jesus returns and the troubles of this world pale in comparison to the incredible passionate beauty that is our eternity.  I guess my stress and hardships could be seen in a positive light, as I am constantly reminded that this is not my home, life was not intended to be this difficult, and there is a Heaven without sin or pain or stress that awaits my arrival someday.  Until then, I hope I will continue to lean on God as my strength and trust that He not only has a plan but will also use my struggles to glorify Him and inspire others to love Him more.

Fork in the Road..

I read in my October issue of Real Simple this week of some things that can make you over-tired.  Excess amounts of stress, poor diet and/or lack of exercise, bouts of depression, and so on.  Oh, so that's why I am so tired.  This semester has literally been the very best and the very worst one yet.  Praise the Lord for all the good things is really all I have to say about that one.

I feel like nothing is in my control right now.  My fate, if you will, is in the hands of others in more ways than one.  School.  No matter how well I think I do, ultimately whether I pass or fail (and thus whether or not I pass or fail college in its entirety) is in the hands of other people.  All I can do is continue to do my best and learn and work hard and hope that is enough.  Next year is also out of my hands.  I feel like we are at a crossroads and the next couple years could go in about three directions.  1) A teaching job could magically appear out of nowhere in the midst of budget cuts and firings, and I could actually teach some sort of English class in the fall.  2) If that teaching job does not come, I could finish the three classes of college I have to complete yet a third degree (with still no actual job to show for it), which could lead a number of different ways in and of itself.  3) Nick and I are applying to be the new dorm parents at the girl's dorm at MCC and are really excited about the opportunity that could be.  Right now we are just praying for wisdom and that the right person/people for the job are selected, and that if God does not open that door for us, that another one would open in which we could do ministry as well.  I secretly have always wanted to be the dorm mom, ever since probably my first or second year of college, and see so much how I could be used in that position, but, like I said, am trusting God has a plan not only for me but also the community of Manhattan Christian College and that if Nick and I are supposed to be a part of it, then it will happen, and if not, like I said, I trust he will open doors to do ministry in another way.  Oh, but if we do happen to be selected, I will not teach right away, as the schedule for a teacher (early mornings/nights, lots of planning and paper-grading, large chunk of time commitment required, etc.) is not conducive to sharing the schedule for a dorm mom (later nights, need/want to be on campus at least most of the time, need/want to be involved in campus life and invest in girls, large chunk of time commitment, etc.), but I would still plan on subbing some to stay involved with teaching and continue to develop and build relationships with people in the schools in this area so I would have more ease in finding a teaching job in the future.  I just want to be able to give a hundred percent to whatever I end up doing...

All those things said, I feel just completely out of control and as if I am at a fork in this road of life, and could go any of the three-plus ways and could do great things for the Kingdom in His love... I just want to know which one is right or best for us, and am not doing well at being patient.

I am also about to actually, finally, for real-ly graduate college in just 41 days, including weekends.  OMG, yikes, ptL.

But why?

I am discontent.  I am uncomfortable.  I have been longing for a place I've never known, only heard about.  I get it.  I get that this is how it feels sometimes, that I was created for something greater, that this is not my home.  That this place, this earth will never truly be or feel like home, because it is not, and it never will be.  I hardly take time anymore to long for Heaven, to really yearn to be in the presence of my Lord, to truly be able to worship at His actual throne, but recently I have just felt out of place and so deeply desired to be home. 

I so badly want people to see something in me, to notice I am different, to wonder why I am the way I am, how I can continue to hope, continue to love, continue to try, to want what I have... but it is just so hard.  I miss being surrounded by a group of men and women on a daily basis who want the same things as me.  Who desire to take His name and power to every single strech of this earth, who want to be seen as different, who serve something and someone so much greater than ourselves.  Why is it so hard, once you have tasted and seen, once you have truly experienced what being His is like, what having eternal hope and real peace, what true surrender of power and control can really feel like?  Why, once we have experienced God, do we turn away?  Why do we not let our lives, every pore, every second of every day proclaim the glory we know and have?  Why do we keep it inside, private, secret?  Are we ashamed?  Are we ashamed of peace?  Of joy?  Of true contentment and fulfilment?  What?? 

Why is it so difficult once we leave our home, our safe, comfortable home surrounded by those who want what is best for us, who desire true joy and love for us, who want those same things as us, why is it so hard to live that out and share that with other people?  Why do we allow sinful life to consume us, why do we allow others' emptiness suck us in too?  Why can't we offer the hope we have to them, instead of them bringing us down into their empty, lonely pit? 


"Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.  Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."  1 Peter 2:11-12

The Prairie Awaits

Now don't get me wrong, I love ol' Manhattan and living in the Midwest is the closest I will ever get to my dream life on the prairie, but shoot, this girl was made for another era!  For years and years and years and years I have been known to read a plethora of books so generously coined "prairie books" (typically comlpete with some sort of scowl) by my dear and favorite sister Sarah.  If you are unfamiliar with the term or even the concept, the majority of said "prairie books" are written by Christian women, most likely just as infatuated as I am by the simplicity and hard working days of prairie life, usually about young women who fall in love, have babies, wear cotton dresses, bake, make friends, and grow to love the Lord more through conflict, struggle, lots of sad sickness and death, and the occasional prairie fire.  Now, please tell me, what about that situation does not sound like something I would like to be a part of??  Exactly. 

I have read approximately 87,009 of these delectible novels and sometimes find myself longing for this time, place, era, that I know only in my beautiful imagination.  I asked Nick if we could move to the prairie and throw out our cell phones and grow our own food and have black-and-white-spotted-cows and build our own cabin... but he said no.  UHH, why the heck not??  I could teach in that precious one-room schoolhouse, and we could have a wagon, and we could live in the wide open hills and spaces and stop missing God in nature because He would be so much easier to see!

I do understand the unrealistic nature of my desire, as well as that the seemingly ideal prairie days too came with hardship and struggle just as our fast-paced, high-tech, busy days do as well, but continue to long for a slower, more simple life.  I suppose I could throw out my phone and shut my computer and turn off the tv, I could become even more of a hermit and have babies (in 43 years) and bake and have a cow (in our apartment?!), but the times call for speed, for keeping up with the Jones' (who are they, anyway??), for rushing, for living vicariously through our to-do lists, and so on.

Perhaps I will continue to, despite my dear husbands pleadings, decorate our little home with touches of the prairie (thank you Mom and Mona for giving us the craft-fair upbringing you did) and begin to simplify my life in the here and now, secretly wishing just a teeny bit that someday, maaaayyybe someday, Mr. Brown will move us out to the hills and all my bestest friends will be the neighbors that live a mile walk away and we WILL one day drink lemonade on our porches and raise those babies to be best friends just like us. 

busy busy busy!

So a few weeks ago my beautiful little sister and her (then) boyfriend got engaged!  I was able to be a special part of that and took her to meet him (surprise!) at the place where they met for the very first time (MCC's girl's dorm lobby).  She was so surprised and thrilled and will be marrying her very best friend Mark Komosa on Saturday, May 21st, 2011!!!!!  I am so excited for them and can see God so evidently working in their relationship and through the two of them, and cannot wait to see where He takes them in the not-so-distant future and the great things that come!  I will be oh so heartbroken to see them (mostly her, sorry Mark-o) move anywhere but where I am living (umm, why did no one warn me that she and I would not always live within ten minutes of each other???  NOT prepared for this separation!) but am so so assured and reassured that God has the two of them right in His hand and is using them to share who He is now and will continue to do so in Indiana, Minnesota, or Timbuctu.  And really, just another place to visit my friends and vacation!  (Hopefully soon I will get to go to Maryland and see mbfitwww....)  I am seriously so thrilled for them and am so excited to have another BIL!  Growing up with just girls (and of course the best and most awesomest man-Dad in the whole world!!!) I don't know a whole lot about boys and boy stuff, but am so excited for the years to come as we welcome now TWO more men into the Troutt family and learn so much about and from them!


So yesterday, the Mom, Alli, Sarah and I went wedding dress shopping for Sarah!!!  We started the day at Hastings with yummy yummy coffee (ps. I have started drinking coffee, one of the better decisions I have made in this lifetime, delishhhh!!!) drinks and headed for Topeka!  We arrived at David's Bridal ten minutes before her appointment so we giggled and talked about how excited we were to all be hanging out and especially for Sarah and Mark to get married!!!  She tried on the first dress and the water-works came before she even left the dressing room!  Sheesh, she is just so beautiful.  The dress was PERFECT and exactly (like, seriously, exactly) what she was looking for!!!  Just in case she tried on like five more, but none compared to the first one.  WOOOOOO-HOOO!!!!!  So much fun!!   (And so nuts that Sar is getting married...I mean, not like bad, nuts, just like, holy cow, nuts!!!)

Then we headed to the mall for some delicious Chik-fil-A and Ice Dream (best!!!) and shopping at the Gap Outlet and Old Navy.  I have been trying to step outside my solid-prints and clean cut lines and widen my clothing horizon and I got a couple new little pieces on great sale yesterday!!!  SO proud.  New little pink argyle cardigan, a ruffled teal shirt, and a sweet belt will hopefully be some fun new outfits this week!

Anyway, yesterday was just the best and I was reminded yet again of how incredible our God is and how He places people and instances in our lives to shape us and encourage us and ultimately make us more like Him.  PtL for those people, and thank you Lord for your blessings!!



We have finally almost finished putting our little home together and I want to post some pics of it soon!  The weekdays are so so busy and I just don't ever feel like thinking or working on anything outside of school.  (Bad mentality, yes, working on it...)  Lots more bloggy to come though, as the leaves begin to change and the wind begins to blow and Jesus continues to be the one perfect thing in our lives. 

and the most domestic wife award goes to...

...this girl!!!  [Please picture me double-thumbs-up pointing at myself.  Because if anyone was here besides Mr. Brown, that's what I would be doing.]  I seriously am the most domestic and awesome wife ever!  During the late afternoon on Saturday, I was just perousing the ol' World Wide Web, the sound of the Huskers dominating the Huskies (tell me that isn't kind of funny!) in the background, just a blog-readin', Facebook stalkin', iTunes browsin' as I always do.  I think to myself, "Self, didn't you say on Friday in that grocery/to-do list you made that you wanted to make pumpkin muffins this weekend for Mrs. Hart's birthday?  And aren't you also craving something sweet and yummy that tastes like fall?  And don't you think it would be a good idea to test those muffins you have never made before and are just going to google a recipe to make? ....Why yes, Self, I think that indeed!" 

So, I of course go to my second most trusted woman for recipes and cooking advice, straight from the great state herself, The Pioneer Woman.  [Duh, of course my mom is the first most trusted recipe/cooking advice-giving woman I go to.]  Anyway, since my mom didn't answer, I typed in "pumpkin" to Ree's [we're close] search bar and found these.  Of course she suggested I make my own pumpkin puree as opposed to simply buying a can full like a normal person would do...and since she asked so nicely, and since I am a hermit and many friends were out of town and Nick was in Lincoln and really, I did have the time, I thought, "Why not?"  So I bought some pumpkins, cooked them up, peeled them, cut them, pureed them, [then mashed them by hand with a fork and an egg beater because the Magic Bullet blender thing simply was not performing as well as one might have liked.  Annoyances aside, I pureed my own pumpkin!  OUT OF AN ACTUAL PUMPKIN!!!  Tell me you are not impressed.  No, don't tell me, because you are.  Or you should be.  Because that is ridiculous!  They sell the stuff in a can, and it makes the bread and muffins and pie taste delicious!  Next I'll probably tell you I evaporated my own milk.  Don't even get me started on the outrageous concept that is evaporated milk.  [In case you are unfamiliar with the substance, and have a misunderstanding of the word "evaporated," as I must or the poor smelling ingredient would most assuredly make more sense!]  Enough about that....

So anyway, I pureed those pumpkins and threw all the goop and seeds away (who even likes eating the seeds after you toast them anyway?  No one], and was wiped.  Early morning church [9:45 service] was looming just around the corner [still over ten hours away] and I needed to rest up for married Sunday School class.  [perhaps more to come on that at another time...let's just say we, with the Wilde's, and by we I actually just mean me...I went to married SS class with no spouse, which means I probably looked like a giant dork but whatever.]  :)  So I went to bed.  Well, I turned off the lights and fell asleep watching a movie as is the norm per whenever Mr. Brown is away. 

The next afternoon, after soaking up some delicious Vitamin D and doing some reading on our spacious veranda, I plopped some of that lovely orange [seriously orange, not like the-stuff- in-the-can orange, but like Macaroni-and-Cheese-crayon orange] goop in the ol' Kitchen Aid and added some other stuff, weird smelling milk included, threw in some dark chocolate chips, and the batter was ready for baking.  The only problem was, it was time for youth group.  [Note: Not an actual problem, simply an issue in timing for the baking of the muffs.]

Went to youth group, played some Murder Ball, learned about Jesus [actually, as a matter of fact, was deeply challenged and will perhaps share more about that later as well], and got to hang out with super cool and fun youth and sponsors. 

Came home, and my man was back!!!  Woo hoooooo!!!  Had some pizza together.  It was fab, I missed him sooooo muchoooooo!!!  College fairs, ick. 

Back to the muffs.  Well, I forgot to mention I did cover the batter with foil and put it in the fridge so it wouldn't spoil while I was gone (you know, eggs and such).  So I got that out of the fridge, filled the muffin cups with goop, and baked them!  I wont even tell you how many times I checked the oven and stuck the knife in that middle muffin and they weren't done and they weren't done and FINALLLLLY they were finished!  [Sarah, I added two minutes like 12 times... usually two minutes is perfect!]  Delish delish delish!!!  More to come soon.  Stories and muffins.  Maybe even some pictures!

With a renewed spirit,

Mrs. Brown :)

P90-X?

Nick and I have great intentions.  We want to work out and be in shape and have ultra-sexy bods (well, we do!) and weigh less and eat healthy and etc etc.  Oook, so when I say we, I mostly mean I with a teensy bit of we in there.  I want all those things, and I want Nick to want all those things with me...what, is that so bad?  ;)  [I have an issue with control...let's not go there today...] 

Until probably January-ish of last semester (being a student and entering into a world filled with school, I will most likely always mark life by semesters and summers-), I did pretty well with eating healthy enough and working out semi-enough.  Then came the semester from down under and busyness and stress out the wazoo and a man who was thrilled to eat pizza, ice cream and other terrible (albeit delicious) foods all the time.  Then came marriage and a perfect honeymoon filled with multi-billion calorie meals and little to no working out to burn said calorie...whoops!  Anyway, the rest of the summer took us here and there and back and forth and to Kansas City so many times I started to think we lived there and not Manhattan... (I wish, for Marion's sake!  And for the sake of going to outlet malls within twenty minutes driving time, and not two hours.)  So we rarely had a fridge full of veggies and fruits, and were often enticed by road food and Momma's good cookin (both my Mom and Nick's, whenever we are near them the food is better, and I mean, it is only respectful to partake in their delicious cooking...right?)  Then came the rush of Enrollment and my last days at MCC and the start of school which has often left me too tired to want to cook something tasty AND healthy, and beyond too tired to work out! 



When I lived in the dorms, I got far less sleep and did much much more with my time, but somehow still managed to get to the rec multiple times a week... reason: that is where my friends were; that is so often where we hung out!  (Why I can no longer convince myself that "hanging out" at the rec is the best thing is a mystery to me...)  Anyway, all that being said, this week starts yet another attempt at being more intentional about what we are eating and working out at least a few days a week.  We bought the P90-X system, and while there is like, negative chance I will be able to trick Nick into working out for an hour-plus with me six days of the week, we are going to use the dvds and workouts in our own P-Hannah and Nick-X.  The workouts are really great, as I have done a few now already, but we just can't commit to all the time it takes with having to go to bed and get up at different times right now and being busy at night almost every night. 

Do not worry!  Hot body WILL win out, especially now that the sister and Mark-o are engaged, I have something to work toward (other than general health and fitness), as well as I plan on doing another triathlon in the spring, and the KC all-women triathlon again next August.  Oh and there is a half marathon in Lincoln that ends on the football field in Memorial Stadium, and I would really like to do that as well.  I know I know I know, ambitious, lots of goals and commitment involved, and we know how great I do with those... hopefully this will be different!  (and anyway, if it isn't, and I look just like I do now at Sarah and Mark's wedding, shoot, the bride is supposed to be the prettiest anyway, right?  I'm just helping there to be no distractions from her beauty!)  Meh meh mehhh :)

DISCLAIMER:  I do not think I am fat  or ugly, nor am I too terribly concerned with my body image as of current.  I just want to be healthier and start working out more and wanted to write about it.  I was recently reminded of how awful girls can be to their own bodies, both physically, but sometimes even more importantly mentally.  We were created by a perfect God and are perfect in HIS sight.  That perfection is what should matter.  When we continue to critique and insult ourselves over and over we are essentially insuting the handiwork of God and that is just plain wrong.  I love myself, as narcissistic as that may sound, and am content with how I look.  

Love,

Mrs. Brown :)

confession :)

Let me confess-- I am terribly devoted to blog-reading.  Perhaps [definitely] more than I should be...what with the reading of blog upon blog written by precious moms and friends and newleyweds and other randoms I stumble upon... I love to read about adorable stories and love-filled times; my heart melts at an engagement story or those adorable baby-belly pictures.  That being said, I feel as though it is only fair that I might share some funny anecdotes and bouts of wisdom learned during these early days and months of married life, as well as grant the world (or at least the however many people that actually read this...) a teeny glance into the lives of Nick and Hannah Brown :)
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The other day Nick told me he had heard a song on the radio that had made him him think of me, and he bought it on iTunes.  These are some of the lyrics:


Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

Mmmmm, I love him. 

New Start

Hello blog-friends who will hopefully re-follow me on this new blog!  I am starting a new blog for a plethora of reasons, one of which being I can't stinking get my old one to format correctly! but that is besides the point... another reason being I have a renewed dedication to blogging and feel as if it is only fair to friends and family (all 3 of you who actually care what is happening in my day to day) to post more, and well, since I can't give my ol' blog a haircut, (which is what I tend to do upon starting a new journey...) or even a new background, I am simply starting a new one. 

So follow me, and Nick, even though he may or may not even read this more than a few times a year (when I ask nicely...), as we experience life as newleyweds, as I become a teacher, and as we continue to grow closer to our awesome Lord. 


Peace-

HBrown :)