I read in my October issue of Real Simple this week of some things that can make you over-tired. Excess amounts of stress, poor diet and/or lack of exercise, bouts of depression, and so on. Oh, so that's why I am so tired. This semester has literally been the very best and the very worst one yet. Praise the Lord for all the good things is really all I have to say about that one.
I feel like nothing is in my control right now. My fate, if you will, is in the hands of others in more ways than one. School. No matter how well I think I do, ultimately whether I pass or fail (and thus whether or not I pass or fail college in its entirety) is in the hands of other people. All I can do is continue to do my best and learn and work hard and hope that is enough. Next year is also out of my hands. I feel like we are at a crossroads and the next couple years could go in about three directions. 1) A teaching job could magically appear out of nowhere in the midst of budget cuts and firings, and I could actually teach some sort of English class in the fall. 2) If that teaching job does not come, I could finish the three classes of college I have to complete yet a third degree (with still no actual job to show for it), which could lead a number of different ways in and of itself. 3) Nick and I are applying to be the new dorm parents at the girl's dorm at MCC and are really excited about the opportunity that could be. Right now we are just praying for wisdom and that the right person/people for the job are selected, and that if God does not open that door for us, that another one would open in which we could do ministry as well. I secretly have always wanted to be the dorm mom, ever since probably my first or second year of college, and see so much how I could be used in that position, but, like I said, am trusting God has a plan not only for me but also the community of Manhattan Christian College and that if Nick and I are supposed to be a part of it, then it will happen, and if not, like I said, I trust he will open doors to do ministry in another way. Oh, but if we do happen to be selected, I will not teach right away, as the schedule for a teacher (early mornings/nights, lots of planning and paper-grading, large chunk of time commitment required, etc.) is not conducive to sharing the schedule for a dorm mom (later nights, need/want to be on campus at least most of the time, need/want to be involved in campus life and invest in girls, large chunk of time commitment, etc.), but I would still plan on subbing some to stay involved with teaching and continue to develop and build relationships with people in the schools in this area so I would have more ease in finding a teaching job in the future. I just want to be able to give a hundred percent to whatever I end up doing...
All those things said, I feel just completely out of control and as if I am at a fork in this road of life, and could go any of the three-plus ways and could do great things for the Kingdom in His love... I just want to know which one is right or best for us, and am not doing well at being patient.
I am also about to actually, finally, for real-ly graduate college in just 41 days, including weekends. OMG, yikes, ptL.