This weekend I remembered where it is that I truly feel alive. It is hard for me to comprehend a life without Christ in it, and because of a multitude of factors, including my upbringing and surmounting blessings, I count myself very lucky for the faith that tends to come as a natural reaction, one that makes sense (as much sense as faith can make). I realized this summer that the only time and place I feel alive and free is when I am praising God or sharing with others in the discovery of Him. I have had a hard semester, but the one thing that remains is God and the fact that I trust HIS plan is supreme, and mine are just... well, mine. It is a lesson I continue to learn, that my plans and expectations are not typically the same as His, and that lesson is so hard to keep learning. I don't know how many mornings this semester I have cried out to Him asking what my purpose is, for Him to use me even though I don't feel like I am touching any lives for His glory at all. My only hope is that, as is typically the case, God is trying to teach me, remind me, to remain in Him, fully, completely, entirely, and that He has got the rest under contol. I can't, but God CAN.
Also. I have the number one best husband (and friends and family) on the whole stinking planet. Let me just list some of the reasons why:
1. PETEE. In early October Nick surprised me with the best [and most challenging] gift ever. A puppy!!!!! He (Petee) has proven to be the msot obnoxious and wonderful present in the world! We are just enthralled by and in love with that little furball and I am so so so thankful to Nick for getting him for me (us). It is probably good that people don't actually live with us and see us interacting with Petee on a regular basis, because it is pretty hilarious. [Embarassing example: I tend to sing that song from (insert bad movie about Las Vegas HERE) about the "three best friends that anyone could have..." about us. A lot. Like most days. Ba ha ha ha].
2. He has not complained one single time about how disgustingly messy our little home has been for the past few weeks. I have not had a lick of energy when I get home and have been just struggling to get my stuff for school done each night, and have literally not made dinner or done laundry for... I won't even admit how long. Let's just say it has been over three weeks since I have been to the grocery store. Note: that means no fresh produce. Or milk. Or bread. Or turkey for sandwiches. The list could go on for days. Needless to say we have eaten a large amount of total junk food and take-out, which is a giant plus in his book, and a huge-mongus negative in mine. I just took the trash out for this first time in two + weeks. I am embarassed now for admitting that. Gross.
3. He got a bunch of my friends to write me encouraging notes/letters because I have been so down. If anyone knows anything about me, they should know that encourage-o-grams are like, one of the top ways to warm my heart. So, Nick being the number one best husband ever that he is, he made that happen. Heart warmed, spirit lifted, ready to finish strong this semester these next couple weeks (OMG I am finally graduating!!!!!)
4. Even though I am a million percent sure I have gained like 74 pounds this semester and lost all tone I worked so hard for last year pre-wed dress time, he still finds me stunning and sexy and pretty and has no qualms with telling me so on a very regular basis. (If he could only see me this very second, still in the clothes I slept in, middle of the afternoon, bangs pinned back, smelly... woo-wee, would he be delighted! ba ha ha, not).
5. All these nights and mornings full of tearful plea's he has continued to encourage me and pray with and for me and remind me of how great that I am and that I am capable and worthy and so many other things. He is seriously just the best person ever and I am immeasurably lucky to have spent the last six months (today) being married to him, and the last five and a half years of life knowing him. Praise Jesus for MCC and all the little ways HE brought us together in His time.