say.love

[oops for the last depressing post.] 

I am seriously so happy with my life right now.  For the past few months the Word of God and everything about having faith has come alive to me.  It's like I am a brand new Christian and it is all new and special and I am seriously moved to tears at church like, every week now.  I am such a sap!  But very seriously, I serve a LIVING GOD, as in He is Alive and Real and at very consistent work in me, and I have never believed those things as much as I do right now.  My God loves with a real, unconditional, as in without conditions or boundaries, as in, there is nothing I can do to stop the love, as in OMG what??!  It is so real!  "My God is not dead, He is alive, He's living on the inside..."  For too long, the tings I have heard in church, read in my Bible, and simply truths I have clung to, have not been alive and real to me, but seriously those things really happened in real life, and made such an impact then that they are STILL changing lives and turning hearts today!  God is timeless, His truth is forever, and His love is so big!  It's just so mind-blowing!

I have been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and have been seriously convicted to let my love be evident to all who come in contact with me, and to be a person whose life is solely defined by the love I have for God and the love I have for others.  The greatest commandments EVER said to love God and love your neighbor.  Very simply put, if I am loving God and loving the people around me, am I not following His greatest command?  If my mindset is to show love , will not my giving increase, as I desire to show love in that way?  Will not the words I say be clean, because I want to honor God by showing His love that way?  Will not my attitude be different than others, because I want to show His love by looking and acting like Jesus did when he was here?  Will not my everything reflect the love of Christ if I seek wholeheartedly to be like Him?  It's so simple, yet insanely difficult at the same time.  I feel so compelled to thank Him for mercy, grace, the gift of His only Son, and a burden to share His love with other people.  Very seriously praying that my everyday be used to glorify Him and make His name great, that I might be a part of adding to the Kingdom, that I might be used as His hands and feet, as His ambassador to the world, that I might actually live out the Great Commission to make disciples of all nations. 

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” -Matt 28:18-20

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Phil 4:4-6


“...Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee..."-Luke 24:5-6

every party has a pooper that's why they invited me...

I will be the first to admit I am a highly social creature and love to throw, host, and attend a party.  [see: party- three or more people hanging out with food and laughing]  I love to be loud, eat, laugh, be around people, and have fun.  This fact could be highly disputed among some [mainly my husband and friends that still like to stay up past 10:00pm doing anything more than laying on the couch at home with the intentions of "accidentally" falling asleep with the puppy cuddled up next to you.]  I get up early.  I have to project energy the entire day, be excited, get other people interested in what I am doing, all day, every day.  I also have to be "on" with a smile and positivity all the time.  Mind you, these tasks are exhausting.  Being mentally engaged a good percentage of the day, coupled with early hours and not enough gym time or the right foods to give me the energy I need, is physically draining.  That being said, I am a total flake when it comes to committing to hanging out in the evenings.  I don't like to make plans, because I know I will probably be tired and not really want to do anything.  Now, I don't mind if people come to my house, I will even most likely have some sort of food to give you, but at some point in the last five years it is I who has become the homebody.  I used to flourish in the go go go, in the sleepless nights, in the late hours of the day, but those days, er, pardon me, those nights are few and far between anymore. 

I feel like am already a 40 year old woman, and I'm barely in my mid-twenties!  College me, you have only been gone a few months, and already grown-up, adult me is boring and tired!  UGH.  But the conundrum lies in that if I go to bed/stay home cuddled in my sweatpants and big comfy chair (aka fall asleep before 10:00), I miss out on the things at which my social life could flourish, time with those I care the most about.  But on the other hand, if I go, partake in social times with my amigos, go to bed at any time past 8:30 10:00, I am miserably sleepy all day the next day and then grumpy in the evening!  Bah! 

The worst part about it, at least to me, is that I see no solution at any point in the even not-so-near future.  Sure, some of my friends will perhaps get jobs at which they are forced to arrive pre-8:00am, as I will for the rest of time... but but but, oh so many will not get up early, work alllll day, work more after school work, and then come home only to be exhaustedly dreading doing it all again the next day.  And I have talked to to other teachers, I know this never gets much better!  WHAT was I thinking?!  When did my sleep become so necessary?  When did I turn into this old grandma?! 

:(  :(  :(  :(  :(


I love what I do, and what I will do in my own classroom, but I love my friends, and my life outside of the school too!  Why oh why can I still not have my cake and eat it too!?  When will the grass actually be greener??  Why am I still so unsatisfied with things?!  Ugh.

listening to sad songs when you're sad is just plain dumb.

It's that time of year again.  Spring is bursting with promise of a beautiful tomorrow, babies are coming, brides are planning, and soon-to-be graduates are eagerly anticipating tomorrow.

I should be thrilled, filled with joy, exuberant, but instead I am just so sad.  I don't think I have ever been so sad for the end of the year to come.  I mean don't get me wrong, I am so excited for all my friends to be finishing and moving and growing up and so on, but I am honestly heartbroken that so many friends are leaving.  This has never been so hard for me but this year I am just so sad.  One of the hard parts of living in a college town, working at a college, being super involved with college students, is this inevitable end that must come. It is weird, because I have had friends leave before, and I left so many of my friends at home to come here, but this year I just can't seem to shake this sadness that so many will be moving on from here. So many friends so dear to my heart, leaving.  My sweet, baby sister, leaving.

And like I said, don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for the exciting times to come for them, for the new, for the potential, for the opportunity to be used by God is a new place, to start new chapters, to invest in new people, but so much of me is just so so sad.

I am sitting here, crying my sad little eyes out, listening to my go-to sad song, wishing time would just stop so I could take in this last month and a half with full embrace, re-live all the memories, and just go back and do it all again.

Here's a photo reel of some of the people I'm going to miss...

Ahh Sweet Renewal.

Oh sweet, dear spring.  I love the feeling of renewal, and feel like this time of year brings with it so much promise, hope, life.  Did I mention that I love spring?  Praise the good LORD for warmer weather, sunshine, flowers, green grass, chirping birdies (as long as they steer clear my head, face, and extremities with their, ahem, poop.), sunshine, warmer weather, sunshine, positive attitudes, happiness, and of course, the hint of summer with all that sunshine and warmer weather!! 

I'll admit my last post was a little depressing and sad...but who could blame me??  The job situation and outlook is prettttty grim right now.  However, I have decided to have a renewed spirit and attitude about it and look to the positive things about my circumstances. 

A) Because I currently am without a full-time career, I have freedom to skip work if I [reeeeally] need to, have no "homework" aka the parts of being a teacher that are less than awesome (grading papers, lesson planning, going to meetings) so my evenings are as free as I choose to have them, I can take a class at MCC that I wanted to take, I get to interact with all ages of students and content areas thus exposing me to all kinds of ideas to use in my [hopefully soon-to-be] future classroom AND develop a stronger sense of classroom management AND confidence as an adult/authority figure/teacher AND get my name and face out in lots of different schools in the area!  So many good things right there! 

B) Well, I ended up making my whole list into one extensive run-on sentence, which, when I re-read later will most likely make little sense butttt whatever. 

C) Because every good list needs at least three points.  :)

I truly believe God has a purpose for this season of my life.  And like the earthly seasons change with time, so do the ones of life, and I must patiently wait on the Lord for the things I desire, which right now, is a full-time teaching job in this area.  In my waiting, I must not grow stagnant, I must not look so forward to the future that I miss the life, the opportunity, the chances to be used for His purpose right now, in the present. 

"God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Be my everything..."  [Tim Hughes, Everything]