every party has a pooper that's why they invited me...

I will be the first to admit I am a highly social creature and love to throw, host, and attend a party.  [see: party- three or more people hanging out with food and laughing]  I love to be loud, eat, laugh, be around people, and have fun.  This fact could be highly disputed among some [mainly my husband and friends that still like to stay up past 10:00pm doing anything more than laying on the couch at home with the intentions of "accidentally" falling asleep with the puppy cuddled up next to you.]  I get up early.  I have to project energy the entire day, be excited, get other people interested in what I am doing, all day, every day.  I also have to be "on" with a smile and positivity all the time.  Mind you, these tasks are exhausting.  Being mentally engaged a good percentage of the day, coupled with early hours and not enough gym time or the right foods to give me the energy I need, is physically draining.  That being said, I am a total flake when it comes to committing to hanging out in the evenings.  I don't like to make plans, because I know I will probably be tired and not really want to do anything.  Now, I don't mind if people come to my house, I will even most likely have some sort of food to give you, but at some point in the last five years it is I who has become the homebody.  I used to flourish in the go go go, in the sleepless nights, in the late hours of the day, but those days, er, pardon me, those nights are few and far between anymore. 

I feel like am already a 40 year old woman, and I'm barely in my mid-twenties!  College me, you have only been gone a few months, and already grown-up, adult me is boring and tired!  UGH.  But the conundrum lies in that if I go to bed/stay home cuddled in my sweatpants and big comfy chair (aka fall asleep before 10:00), I miss out on the things at which my social life could flourish, time with those I care the most about.  But on the other hand, if I go, partake in social times with my amigos, go to bed at any time past 8:30 10:00, I am miserably sleepy all day the next day and then grumpy in the evening!  Bah! 

The worst part about it, at least to me, is that I see no solution at any point in the even not-so-near future.  Sure, some of my friends will perhaps get jobs at which they are forced to arrive pre-8:00am, as I will for the rest of time... but but but, oh so many will not get up early, work alllll day, work more after school work, and then come home only to be exhaustedly dreading doing it all again the next day.  And I have talked to to other teachers, I know this never gets much better!  WHAT was I thinking?!  When did my sleep become so necessary?  When did I turn into this old grandma?! 

:(  :(  :(  :(  :(

I love what I do, and what I will do in my own classroom, but I love my friends, and my life outside of the school too!  Why oh why can I still not have my cake and eat it too!?  When will the grass actually be greener??  Why am I still so unsatisfied with things?!  Ugh.

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